Transcript:The Order of the Sparrow
URL ** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wT8GCweQ7E .SBV Transcript 0:00:06.100,0:00:08.000 Max: Why the hell are we up this early? 0:00:08.800,0:00:11.000 David: Camp Campbell campers! 0:00:11.000,0:00:13.300 *dramatic drumming* 0:00:14.200,0:00:17.400 David: Hau. 0:00:17.400,0:00:18.800 Max: Why? 0:00:18.800,0:00:58.600 [ Camp Camp Song Song ] 0:01:00.300,0:01:04.400 David: I am sure you must be wondering who we are, but have no fear. I — 0:01:04.400,0:01:06.500 Max: David, what the fuck are you doing? 0:01:06.500,0:01:14.400 David: I am not David! Though... if he were here he'd tell you to mind your language. I am chief Squatting Bear. 0:01:15.600,0:01:17.300 Space Kid: Oohhh, that's awesome. 0:01:19.300,0:01:22.200 Nikki: Gwen, why is David dressed like a turkey? 0:01:22.200,0:01:26.200 Gwen: Because he's fucking David, Nikki. You've been here long enough to figure that out. 0:01:26.200,0:01:31.200 David: Gwen! Don't break character! And I'm not a turkey. I'm an Indian chief. 0:01:31.300,0:01:31.900 Neil: Like Max? 0:01:31.900,0:01:36.600 David: What? Uh — No! Like the Cherokees! You know, WOWOWOWOWOWO! 0:01:36.600,0:01:38.700 Max: Wow, that is racist. 0:01:38.700,0:01:40.400 Neil: Seriously. Are you offended? 0:01:41.600,0:01:44.800 Quartermaster: Silence! Do your thing. 0:01:44.800,0:01:54.000 David: Uh... Right. We represent the Order of the Sparrow. A secret society that gathers only to honor the most worthy of campers. 0:01:54.000,0:01:55.900 Nikki: So then what are you doing here? 0:01:55.900,0:02:02.100 David: *sighs* Look, guys, the Order's been around since I was a camper. It's a huge honor! And it's really cool! 0:02:02.100,0:02:03.800 Max: I'll believe that when I see it. 0:02:03.800,0:02:09.800 David: Oh, you will, Max, because today you will all be given the chance to prove your worth. 0:02:09.800,0:02:11.700 Harrison: *whining* Do we have to? 0:02:11.700,0:02:15.900 David: No, but — WAIT! Never mind! It's mandatory! 0:02:15.900,0:02:17.000 Campers: *sighing* 0:02:17.000,0:02:22.200 David: But, those of you who are accepted into the Order will receive the ultimate prize. 0:02:22.200,0:02:23.700 Nikki: Huh? There's a prize? 0:02:23.700,0:02:24.700 Neil: What is it? 0:02:24.700,0:02:26.100 Dolph: Tell us now, turkey-man! 0:02:26.100,0:02:27.600 Gwen: Yeah. Wait, what prize? 0:02:27.600,0:02:33.200 David: All will be revealed at the setting of the sun, sister Gwen. So, shall we begin? 0:02:33.200,0:02:34.700 Campers: YEAH! 0:02:40.000,0:02:41.300 Max: Well this is stupid. 0:02:41.300,0:02:44.900 Neil: Seriously. "Do good every day?" That's just bad grammar. 0:02:44.900,0:02:47.500 Nikki: I think it's "Do good", like a superhero. 0:02:47.500,0:02:50.500 Dolph: I could be the hero this camp deserves. 0:02:50.700,0:02:52.800 Preston: I can be nice! I'm the nicest! 0:02:52.800,0:02:56.200 David: Great! Because you all have until sundown to convince me. 0:02:57.200,0:03:04.700 Nikki: David! You know me! You know I love nature! You know if I could I would have BABIES with nature. So do I get my prize now? 0:03:04.700,0:03:05.900 David: Calm down, Nikki. 0:03:05.900,0:03:06.600 Nikki: Aaah! 0:03:06.600,0:03:08.900 Nurf: Step off! May I help you up, David? 0:03:08.900,0:03:09.600 David: Nurf! That was — 0:03:09.600,0:03:13.600 Nurf: A very kind gesture, I know. So can my prize be cigarettes? 0:03:16.300,0:03:17.800 Gwen: You sure this will work? 0:03:18.100,0:03:19.900 David: Uh... Yes? 0:03:29.300,0:03:30.400 David: Harrison! 0:03:30.400,0:03:38.800 Harrison: Oh, Nerris, you clumsy fool! Never fear. I shall save you out of the kindness of my gold heart. 0:03:45.600,0:03:48.000 David: ...Gwen! 0:03:52.800,0:04:03.400 Dolph: David, please. Allow me to assist you with the consumption of your sandwich. *chewing* There we are. All chewed up for you! 0:04:03.400,0:04:04.500 David: Um... 0:04:04.500,0:04:06.500 Dolph: Here comes the zeppelin! 0:04:06.700,0:04:09.600 David: Gah! *yelling* 0:04:09.900,0:04:12.200 Dolph: Resistance is futile, turkey-man! 0:04:14.200,0:04:15.600 David: What in the — 0:04:17.900,0:04:20.500 Preston: Hey, David. Like what I've done with the place? 0:04:20.500,0:04:22.600 David: Wh-what did you do to the camp?! 0:04:22.600,0:04:25.100 Preston: I cleaned it! The floors were covered in dirt! 0:04:25.100,0:04:27.000 David: That's because it's the forest! 0:04:27.000,0:04:32.100 Preston: I know! I really did some good today. So for my prize, I was thinking of a Broadway deal. 0:04:32.100,0:04:34.900 David: Preston, put it all back now! Please! 0:04:34.900,0:04:35.100 Preston: But — 0:04:35.100,0:04:36.500 Ered: I'm on it! 0:04:36.500,0:04:39.700 *truck reversing* 0:04:39.700,0:04:41.500 *hydraulics hissing* 0:04:41.500,0:04:43.000 Preston: Agh! 0:04:45.500,0:04:47.700 Ered: Uh, I'll take my hover boots now. 0:04:48.100,0:04:56.800 Neil: David, witness me. Witness my love for nature. 0:04:59.600,0:05:03.200 Neil: Ow! You whore! Let me love you, goddamnit! 0:05:03.200,0:05:07.000 Max: This doesn't count, David. They don't ACTUALLY care. 0:05:07.000,0:05:09.600 David: W-w-what do you mean? Of course they do! Look at 'em! 0:05:09.600,0:05:12.700 Max: No. They're just doing all of this because they think they'll get something awesome. 0:05:12.700,0:05:14.700 David: A little motivation never hurt anyone. 0:05:14.700,0:05:17.200 Max: Until they find out there IS no prize. 0:05:17.200,0:05:19.900 David: Of course there's a prize! It's a great prize! 0:05:19.900,0:05:20.400 Max: Money? 0:05:20.400,0:05:21.200 David: No! 0:05:21.200,0:05:24.500 Max: A new pony? A motorcycle? An electron microscope?! 0:05:24.500,0:05:27.800 David: No! It's better than all of that! It's symbolic and beautiful! 0:05:27.800,0:05:31.300 Max: Is it "a job well-done"? Because that's a fucking cop-out, David! 0:05:31.300,0:05:33.000 David: IT'S A BONFIRE! 0:05:33.000,0:05:34.700 All: What?! 0:05:34.700,0:05:35.700 Space Kid: What?! 0:05:37.100,0:05:39.200 David: A bonfire! 0:05:39.600,0:05:41.000 Neil: ...A bonfire. 0:05:41.100,0:05:45.500 David: Yes! It's the highest honor. The fire is lit with a flaming arrow signifying the — 0:05:45.500,0:05:48.700 Nikki: Wait. We don't actually get anything? 0:05:48.700,0:05:52.900 David: I mean... Of course you do! Everyone gets their own sash. Like this! 0:05:52.900,0:05:54.400 Preston: But it's so ugly! 0:05:54.400,0:05:54.900 David: W-well... 0:05:54.900,0:05:57.500 Gwen: David, is this seriously it? 0:05:57.500,0:05:59.200 Max: Yeah, David. 0:05:59.500,0:06:11.700 David: Okay. You guys just aren't seeing it. I'm telling you. This is amazing. The big fire, there's music, a ceremony, oh! And the passing of the staff! The chief chooses a new member to carry his staff and lead the new generation of sparrows! 0:06:11.700,0:06:13.700 Neil: So, one of us gets a stick? 0:06:13.700,0:06:15.700 David: IT'S AN ANCIENT STAFF! 0:06:18.800,0:06:21.100 Quartermaster: Welp, this is a trainwreck. 0:06:21.900,0:06:24.900 David: No, wait, I'll show you! Let me just get it lit. 0:06:25.900,0:06:27.800 *thunder* 0:06:29.300,0:06:31.700 Gwen: David, let it go. 0:06:31.700,0:06:34.200 David: No, no, no! I can still light it! You'll see! 0:06:37.200,0:06:40.200 Neil: I can't believe I frenched a platypus for this. 0:06:41.700,0:06:43.100 Gwen: Come on, kids. 0:06:47.300,0:06:52.300 David: Guys, wait! I-I've almost got it, I'm sure! *grunts* 0:06:52.300,0:06:55.600 Max: Well, David, you were right. This IS amazing. 0:06:55.600,0:06:57.500 David: If I could just show you... 0:06:57.500,0:07:11.000 Max: Do you really think a big campfire and some outdated, honestly kind of racist tradition is going to make anyone care about anything? No one gives a shit, David. Nobody want to be here. 0:07:11.000,0:07:12.900 David: *grunting intensifies* 0:07:12.900,0:07:33.200 Max: God. It's like you live in this stupid make-believe world where "everything's great!" The universe doesn't work that way, idiot. Just look around. It's what I've been trying to show you since day one. Life sucks. And we live in a world of desensitized, apathetic assholes. Why don't you just get with the program and stop giving a shit. 0:07:35.500,0:07:36.900 David: You're right. 0:07:36.900,0:07:38.200 Max: What? 0:07:38.900,0:07:57.100 David: Times have changed. Whether I like it or not. The campers don't care, Gwen doesn't care, even the founder of this place has better things to do. That's why I'll never stop trying. Because somebody fucking has to. 0:07:57.600,0:07:59.900 *thunder* 0:08:14.100,0:08:14.700 Max: David... 0:08:14.700,0:08:18.400 David: Go back to your tent, Max... You'll just catch a cold. 0:08:21.800,0:08:23.800 David: Oh, give me a break! 0:08:25.700,0:08:26.700 Max: David! 0:08:32.900,0:08:34.400 David: Huh? 0:08:34.600,0:08:37.500 Campers: Campe Diem, brother David. 0:08:37.800,0:08:40.700 David: Oh my gosh! You all look perfect! 0:08:40.700,0:08:43.800 Gwen: And it's all thanks to your guidance, David. 0:08:44.000,0:08:45.600 Quartermaster: Let us rejoice. 0:08:50.800,0:09:03.800 Spirit/Cameron: David, I am the spirit of the Order of the Sparrow. Thank you for showing the children the joy of camping, nature, and life. Also, hey! I'm your real father! 0:09:03.800,0:09:08.500 David: Oh thank you, spirit! This is all just so incredible! I feel like I'm dreaming! 0:09:08.500,0:09:10.500 Spirit/Cameron: That's because you are, idiot. 0:09:11.000,0:09:11.900 David: What — 0:09:12.900,0:09:16.500 Gwen: David. David? David, can you hear me? 0:09:17.100,0:09:19.500 David: Gwen? AAH! 0:09:19.500,0:09:21.500 Nikki: Wake up, buttercup! 0:09:21.500,0:09:23.500 Gwen: Nikki, no more arrows! 0:09:23.500,0:09:27.300 Nikki: You can't control me, white devil! WOWOWOWOWOWO! 0:09:27.700,0:09:29.400 David: You're all dressed up as... 0:09:29.400,0:09:31.500 Neil: Indians. Just like you said! 0:09:31.500,0:09:33.300 Dolph: We designed the outfits ourselves. 0:09:33.300,0:09:35.300 Preston: Do you love them? I LOVE THEM! 0:09:35.300,0:09:36.800 David: But, why? 0:09:36.800,0:09:41.200 Max: Alright, I fixed it. Everybody hurry up and... Ah, shit he's awake. 0:09:41.200,0:09:43.200 David: Max? Did you — 0:09:43.200,0:09:54.600 Max: DO NOT look too deeply into this. You suck, this world sucks, and one day we're all gonna die and none of it will matter, but if we didn't do this, I'm pretty sure you'd kill yourself or something. 0:09:54.600,0:09:56.200 David: sniffles* Oh, Max! 0:09:56.200,0:09:59.300 Max: Or shoot up the camp. I don't know. It was a possibility. 0:09:59.500,0:10:00.800 David: Thank you. 0:10:00.800,0:10:03.000 Max: Whatever. Just take your stupid stick. 0:10:07.200,0:10:10.300 Space Kid: Awww. Lucky. 0:10:12.000,0:10:14.600 Neil: You know, it is kinda nice. 0:10:14.600,0:10:16.600 *guitar strum* 0:10:17.300,0:10:39.400 Gwen: ♪ There's a place I know that's tucked away... A place where you and I can stay. Where we can go to laugh and play, and have adventures every day. I know it sounds hard to believe, but guys and gals, it's true. ♪ 0:10:39.700,0:10:42.900 David: Hey Max, how'd you start a fire with wet wood, anyway? 0:10:42.900,0:10:45.400 Max: I'm not an idiot, David. I used gasoline. 0:10:45.400,0:10:47.200 David: Wait, what? 0:10:47.200,0:10:49.200 *explosion* 0:10:49.200,0:10:52.900 Nikki: WOW! Do it again! Do it again! 0:10:52.900,0:11:01.400 Gwen: ♪ Camp Campbell is the place for me and you. ♪ 0:11:04.500,0:11:11.800 *"Keeper of the Flame" by Ricke Branson & Solar Slim playing* Category:Transcripts